The Chase

Posted on December 8, 2022 by hdh

The Chase

I was running. Why you might ask. Well, when you are in my position, and there is something you want, you just take it. And if someone sees you doing it, they chase you to get it back. Hence, I was running. 

Mind you, I was not running fast, for the ones that were chasing me were not very swift. They obviously knew that I had taken something by my hasty exit, but they didn’t know what.

It is hard to chase someone when you are unsure of why you are chasing them, and you only suspect that they did something wrong. 

Now back to the chase – Where was I going to go to evade my pursuers, and what was I going to do with what I took? Up ahead, there was an alley. I chose to take it. At the end of the alley, there was a fire escape that led up to the top of a very tall apartment building. Time to test whether or not my pursuers were good climbers. 

It turns out that most of them were not willing to climb the fire escape. There was, however, one person that took me up on the challenge, and she was getting closer. 

I reached the roof of the apartment building and decided on my next option. Should I try to be a superhero and leap from building to building across rooftops or just find an exit into the building and enter it?

I chose neither. I opened the door to the entrance to the building, left it open, and then hid behind the chimney on the roof. 

When my pursuer noticed the open door, upon reaching the rooftop, she did exactly what I assumed she would; she went into the building and down the stairs. 

I quietly went back to the fire escape and went back down to the alleyway. By that time, all the other pursuers had gone. I leisurely walked back to the street and headed back to my house. 

Safely within the confines of my house, I took out the purloined item and shared my ill-gotten gain with my wife. 

She looked at me and nodded her head back and forth with a face of incredulity. She sneered. “You are such an idiot. You do realize that Covid tests are free, don’t you?”

My response was, “Well…I…No.”

She gave that look again, which she seems to do frequently, basically indicating to me…Please, don’t do that again.

Well duh! I don’t think so.

 

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We Argued About…

Posted on December 5, 2022 by hdh

We Argued about…

She began by saying I’m wrong

It’s the usual way we start

The point I made might have been strong

But I made it to show I was smart.

 

There he goes as he stands there and tries

Just because he has something to say

He will never admit he’s not wise

I am right, he will not have his way

 

Just look how she stands there so smug

The all-knowing, her answer is clear

You can see as she gives me a shrug

What I say she will not even hear

 

.

I’ll pretend he has something to say

I can see he is poised for a fight

Should I fold and let him have his way

Heaven’s No!  When I know I am right

 

So it’s time to play the last card

It is she who has made the goof

She must listen. It’s not very hard

The recording I made is the proof

 

He said I must listen right now

As he starts up an app on his phone

What it plays I can’t disavow

For that voice on the phone is my own. 

 

I see a sad gleam in her eye

It looks like she’s going to lose

I hear a perceptible sigh

What recompense shall I choose

 

The recording is true as he guessed

I must trick him and make him just doubt

Since his memory is faulty at best

I don’t think that he’ll figure it out

 

You say it was only a dream

One inspired by a recent review

You would never express that extreme

If awake since you know it’s not true.

 

I can see by his quizzical look

That he’s bought everything that I said

He’s as easy to read as a book

It’s not hard to get into his head.

 

So beware all you men, don’t get caught

When women and you disagree

There is one thing that you must be taught

They are certainly much smarter than we

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It’s all in the Book!

Posted on December 1, 2022 by hdh

It’s All in the Book!

“Well, If she can do it, why can’t I?” 

“One, because this is not a fairy tale. And two, because you are a male. Males don’t spin thread.”

“No, you’re wrong. First of all, the words in the story say that she couldn’t spin straw into gold, yet she did. And it says nothing about a male or female, it just happened in the book that it was a female. Why couldn’t it be a male?”

“All right, I’ll give you that argument. So, what is it exactly that you want me to do?” she asked.

“As the story goes, you have to lock me in a room, I guess that would be the back room, and if I can’t spin straw into gold, then you have to kill me.”

“That’s ridiculous!” she said.  “I’m not going to do that. Why should I kill you? I just met you. And furthermore, we don’t have a spinning wheel in the back room, it’s a freezer. We don’t have straw either. That would violate the health code.”  

“Okay, if that is not possible, let’s just jump to the chase. In the book, after the guy with the weird name does all of the spinnings, the girl has to promise to give him her firstborn child after she marries the king. She can get out of it if she figures out his name. When she does, the imp loses and jumps in a hole in the ground, and the king and queen live happily ever after.”

“Okay,” she says, “So what? As I said, it’s only a story.”

“Well, here’s the deal. I don’t need to spin thread because even if all that happens and I have to discover the imp’s name to save our firstborn child, I already know its name, so that’s not a problem.”

She looked at me with an astonished look, “Wait a minute, what do you mean our firstborn child? I only just met you.”

“Oh,” I replied, “Did I skip that part? I thought I said in the story she marries the king. Ergo I marry you.”

She replied, “But I’m not a king, and you are definitely not her.”

“Simple mistake,” I answered. “You see, I want to marry you, and you do work at Dairy Queen; therefore, I believe the analogy works.”

Well, believe it or not, this was not the worst pick-up line that I had ever used, but in this case, it worked. It worked so well that we have been married now for 32 years. And I never had to reveal anyone’s secret name to save my child.

 

 

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I Tought I Taw a Putty Tat

Posted on November 25, 2022 by hdh

I Tought I Taw a Putty Tat

Hi. My name is Clive, and I’m in a fix. You see, I’m a house cat. Generally, I’m good-natured and fun to be with. However, there are times when my cat instincts come out, and I want a good live kill.

I live in a house with two kids and a yellow bird named Goldie. 

The kids are ages 5 and 7, and they love watching TV all of the time. Their TV sits in the same room as that stupid bird’s cage. 

Their favorite shows are cat shows that they get from the library. I’m honored. Unfortunately, their taste in cat TV is somewhat limited. The shows they watch the most are “Tom and Jerry” and “Looney Tunes,” which occasionally is about Sylvester the Cat and a bird called Tweety. 

I hate it when they watch those shows. Cats are not that stupid! 

Why can’t they watch more good cat TV? Top Cat, now there is a clever cat. Felix the Cat, he can get out of any fix with his bag of tricks. Courageous Cat, his only problem is that he teams up with a mouse (Minute Mouse). Thank God we don’t have mice in our house

I could be like those clever cats. At least, that was what I thought when I saw Goldie’s cage with the bottom left open and no kids around. The kids must be cleaning the cage. Easy pickins I said to myself. 

I positioned myself right under the cage. I figured one good leap; I grab the bird before anyone is the wiser. 

I should have surveyed the situation better before I positioned myself. A good clue would have been that there was no bird in the cage. 

It all happened way too fast. As soon as I got under the cage, it dropped, sealing me inside the cage. And who should flutter down from where she was observing on a bookshelf? Freakin’ Goldie!

Clearly, I should have been paying more attention to Tweety in those shows than Sylvester. 

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Will the Real Thanksgiving Please Stand Up?

Posted on November 17, 2022 by hdh

Will the Real Thanksgiving Please Standup?

Thanksgiving, a day that comes each year in November, is when you gather around with family and friends to give thanks for all the wonderful things that have happened to you and the things and people that have enriched your life. 

This day is steeped in tradition within your family and the nation. 

There are the parades, like the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day one that celebrates…well, I’m not sure what it celebrates, but it’s a yearly event with lots of floats and marching bands and ends up with Santa Claus riding on his float, starting the season of gift buying. 

There are football games, I believe, in Detroit and Dallas, clearly celebrating well… grown men who would rather play games than be with their families. 

There’s the presidential pardoning of a turkey from being slaughtered and served for dinner. Clearly demonstrating how compassionate our nation can be. I often wonder what happens to all those pardoned turkeys. Do they now reside in an old-turkey home for retired poultry? 

And there are the family get-togethers that occurred annually up until 2 years ago, when they became hybrid events, if at all, due to Covid. The gathering of people, some of which you only see once a year and whose political opinions vary such that following the Thanksgiving celebration, you are glad it will be another year before you see them again. 

But to get back to Thanksgiving. Why is it necessary to designate a day to give thanks for all we have? Shouldn’t that be the norm for every day? 

“I’m sorry, I really appreciate what you have done for me, but I can’t say “Thanks” until the 4th Thursday in November.”

Add to that, I don’t think we should do things for others because we are looking for someone to say “Thanks,” or in some cases, because we are looking to get something back in return. 

Being thankful and grateful are things we should feel year-round. If one is empathetic and compassionate, doing things for others should be a given. Yes, I agree that getting thanks and appreciations makes us feel good for what we do, and we should all say “thanks” to others more than we do. But all the special parades and games we do on that day are not, in my humble opinion, recognizing how much we should be grateful for. For kids, it’s just celebrating two days off from school. For adults, it’s the anxiety of getting everything ready for this family event and possibly preparing to get trampled to death the next day, doing Christmas shopping.

So let’s make Thanksgiving an everyday event. We can save the 4th Thursday in November as a day to just relax and have fun. We can call it Give Ourselves a Break Day.

I thank you all for hearing me out. 

 

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A Choice of Color

Posted on November 16, 2022 by hdh

A Choice of Color

What color you choose will determine the trait

That lets others know, are you nasty or great?

For colors tell all – who you are, what you’ll be.

And the thing about colors you choose, they’re all free. 

 

Take black as your choice, it’s a dark one indeed.

It says death and despair, with a slight touch of greed.

Now gray, it is better for with it there’s doubt.

Could be good or be bad, just not sure is its shout.

 

Now blue is the sky and the feeling of flight.

As you soar through the world, making everything bright.

You’ll find brown’s down to earth; you are grounded and firm

Where you make the world fertile, that is, if you’re a worm. 

 

Red is the color of fire, anger, and pain.

They say when you see it, self-control is in vain. 

You need white to feel calm, it’s as bland as can be

It is used to surrender on a flag that you see.

 

Now yellow’s the color that gives lots of signs

It’s the color you see in the sun as it shines

But be careful with that and remember to think

If its shine you prolong, your face will turn pink.

 

Of green there is growth, for the plants that will come

That is, so they say, if the green’s on your thumb.

Orange and purple may be great in their prime

Unless you’re a poet, for none has a rhyme

 

There’s gold and there’s silver; they make such a pair

They are shiny and special and exceedingly rare. 

For to have lots of each could provide one great wealth

Which in time if used right, can insure public health. 

 

There are colors galore. Far too many to mention

But to choose one from all, is way too much tension.

One may be right, for you if you choose.

But I like to be different, I often change views.

 

So my choice is them all. It’ll depend on the time.

I won’t limit my choices, I don’t think it’s a crime.

It will make me more rounded and then others can see

I am trusting, and caring, and…well… I am me.

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Thank you, Barry.

Posted on November 14, 2022 by hdh

Thank you, Barry 

When I was a student observer and student teacher at Middle Island back in the 1970s, I got to interact with a lot of different teachers. Some guided me on how to teach specific subjects. Some guided me as to how to deal with different kids as individuals. Some showed me the way to grow, both personally and professionally. Some even showed me how not to do all those things. 

I am grateful to all of them. One has even become a lifelong friend. She’s well aware of how grateful I am for everything I have learned in all the years I spent as a teacher. I’ve been able to repay her by sharing what I’ve learned from others to help her grow also.

One of the 6th-grade teachers that I worked with in Middle Island, whom I only interacted with for the two years that I was a college student observer and student teacher there, was Barry Luna. He taught me one thing that has been with me throughout my life since then. The words that he imparted to me were that I should always look at issues from both sides. 

These words helped me become more understanding of the differences that people have in both their opinions and who they are. It helped me become a better listener.

Though these words and beliefs are, at times, a problem for me, they have helped me become more understanding, empathetic, and compassionate in my dealings with the world around me. 

At times, following Barry’s principles becomes difficult when I have to make a choice decision. You might call me wishy-washy in those instances, but it is hard to make a decision when you see both sides of the coin and you see where people are coming from.

I guess what Barry’s advice helps me do, is accept others for their differing opinions and beliefs without necessarily giving up my own beliefs. And there are times seeing things from a different perspective does change my beliefs.

So thank you, Barry. Your gift of words has helped make me who I am today. 

 

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Raking it in

Posted on November 10, 2022 by hdh

Raking it in

Honesty is the best policy. Right? Well, there comes a time when honesty is not the best policy. At least that is what my friend Ronald says.

It was a cool autumn day, and the leaves filled the ground with color. Yes, the trees were full of color too, but in our case, there were more leaves on the ground. I should say now there were more leaves on the ground. 

Ronald had said the day before, “Why don’t we go door to door and see if we can make some money raking leaves for people?” 

I pointed out to him that there were few leaves on the ground. I asked him who would want us to rake leaves if there weren’t any to rake.

Ronald had a plan, for near us was a town dump. You see, each year, the town gathered whatever leaves had fallen on the street and brought them to this dump and left them there to deal with later. They continued this throughout Fall. Ronald’s plan was to go to the dump, gather as many leaves as we could in bags, and then overnight visit some houses in the neighborhood (to people who didn’t know us) and empty our bags of leaves on their property. Those houses were the ones we should go to and offer our services the next day. What could possibly go wrong?

The first part of his plan went off without a hitch. Actually, he wouldn’t have known that since he had me gather up all of the leaves since I lived closer to the dump.

Next came the part about choosing the houses. Again Ronald suggested that we should dump the leaves closer to my house, that way, people would believe that the wind blew all the leaves from the dump to their lawn.

 Ronald wasn’t available to go house to house with me the next day. He called me up and said he was sick and would be out for a few days, but I should go ahead anyway. 

Of course, his plan didn’t work out. The chances of me not being seen at night were slim, and of course, someone did see what I was doing. 

Needless to say, I was confronted and caught the next day when I tried to offer my services. I couldn’t deny what I had done.

 My mother was none too pleased when she found out what I did. I had to go back to all of the houses, even ones I hadn’t touched, and do their raking for free until all the leaves had stopped falling. 

Somehow my mom knew that Ronald was to be involved, but since he hadn’t been with me, she couldn’t prove it. Mothers know those kinds of things. 

Surprisingly, Ronald seemed very healthy the next day, and he didn’t even bother to help me rake – honestly.

 

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The Rescue

Posted on November 9, 2022 by hdh

The Rescue

I had received a post in the mail. It was unsigned. It instructed me to follow this path through a maze of hedges to where my fortune would be revealed. What can I say? I’m just a curious soul, not to mention bored out of my wits at home. So I followed the directions on the map included with the letter.

I usually don’t believe in fortune tellers. But this one was different. She knew my name before I even mentioned it to her. 

 “Alison,” she said, “your presence here on this day was foretold. There is much I must tell you, and there is not much time to tell it.”

Her long black hair floated in the air around me. Her face, so smooth and well-kept, was in discord with her wrinkled hands and sharp pointy red fingernails. Her blue eyes gazed deeply at a clear crystal globe in her hand, which showed an image of a girl on a small boat with patched sails floating on a rough body of water. And the girl in the boat was me.

“It is good that you brought some supplies in your backpack, for your journey will be long,” the woman spoke. “There is a castle in the distant hills that you must seek. Within those walls, you must find a prince. But beware, he will not be what he appears to be. Let those that help you guide your way to the prince and his rescue. Remember who you are, for that is important. Now go!”

Before I could ask any questions, she was gone. No woman, crystal ball, and as I turned around, the hedges I had walked through had grown to such a height that I could not turn back. My only recourse was to move forward. 

So onward I went. I lost track of time. It could have been hours; it could have been days or even weeks. I was lucky enough to find both food and shelter along the way. I helped creatures that were in trouble that then accompanied me. I shared what I could with them. There was a large bird, a crow of sorts. There was a snake, who was long and quite strong. There was a wolf and its cub, who were warm to lie next to as the weather got colder at night. Surprisingly, all of these animals could speak, not in any language other than their own, but we understood everything that was said to each other. Truth be told, I might not have survived without them. 

We ended up at a large body of water. I could see the castle on the other shore. And there was that boat from the teller’s image. It was not big enough for the 5 of us, so I was the only one in the boat. The wolves and snake were left behind; the crow flew on ahead. 

It was a difficult crossing; the waves were rough as they battered my boat. The patches on the sails threatened to come loose, but I managed to make it to the other side and the castle. 

Now to find the prince. 

Getting into the castle was easy. The snake had told me of a hidden entrance underground. There were locked doors to pass through, but the wolf told me of weaknesses in the structure that, with pressure, I could get through. And finally, I made it to the deepest part of the castle, the dungeon. There, I saw the ragged princely person, locked up and in chains. 

“Please, you must help me,” he cried. “I am the prince of this realm and have been forced to exist down here. I will die if you do not save me.”

“I’m here to rescue you,” I replied. Using the knowledge I had learned along the way, I was able to unlock the door and remove the chains. 

“You shall be rewarded well,” the prince said in a voice that suddenly sounded different. 

The crow guided our way out, and we made it to my boat. This time, however, the boat had somehow grown. It could now carry both of us across the waters. The waves were dangerously stronger. Dark clouds filled the air as we crossed; thunder rolled. 

We joined up with my previous companions as we reached the other side. 

“My dear companions,” said the prince, “you have done well, and now you shall all get your rewards.” The prince uttered some words I did not understand, and then all hell broke loose. 

The crow savagely attacked the snake, killing it instantly. The wolf then similarly attacked the crow, ending its life. And then all eyes turned on the wolf cub. The wolf appeared to be about to attack its cub, but the cub struck first. The adult wolf never had a chance. 

The prince snickered and laughed. “And now the final task to solidify my plan,’ he said.

The wolf cub then looked directly at me. Its blue eyes were aglow. There was what appeared to be a questioning look on its face, and then he looked beyond me at the prince. 

“Please do not harm me. I saved you in the woods. You know me. I am your friend,” I pleaded.

The cub’s eyes turned dark. He barred its claws and leaped at me. At least, that’s what I thought he was doing. He, in fact, leaped over me and directly toward the prince. 

When the cub was through, the prince lay dead. Well, I should say something lay dead, for this shriveled-up old man was not the prince I had rescued. Standing over the old man was not the cub but a very well-dressed princely-looking man. He turned to me, bowed, and said, “Thank you for breaking the curse and saving my life. Your plea to me broke the hold the evil wizard had on me. Had you not, it would have been you who was killed, and he would have taken my place in the kingdom forever.”

I bowed to the prince as understanding cleared my mind. I was not the bored girl named Alison that started on this journey but Princess Alisandra, the intended of the prince who stood before me. This sorcerer had also enchanted me to forget the prince and who I was. Had it not been for the letter and the teller, this story might have ended differently. Or maybe not; after all, she did say this day had been foretold. 

 

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Dreamland – Reality

Posted on November 3, 2022 by hdh

Dreamland – Reality

You never know just where you are going to go on your journey. Occasionally it is the same trip, but most of the time, it is a different adventure. 

The sun goes down and says goodnight. You pull your covers up real tight. If you feel that the trip might be a bit uncomfortable, you leave a light on by your bed. Most often, you just let your travel guide lead you off to dreamland and await whatever happens. 

That particular night was not what I expected. Usually, it is a classroom scene or a hike in the mountains. It might be with people I know, either living or dead, or strangers I have never encountered. That night it was different.

It started in the usual way. I had the ability to fly. Where ever I was, I could just jump into the air and fly. I usually like those adventures, but in this particular one, I was not the superhero, nor was I enjoying the view of the scenery from above. I was being chased. 

The problem was I could not see who or what was chasing me. Whatever it was, I was fleeing in fear. 

That’s the thing about dreamland. There’s no script to follow. And when you are dumped in the middle of a plot without a script, and fear is what you are feeling, you don’t have time to process what is happening to make decisions. 

So I flew. The ground below me was non-descript since my only concern was the pursuer. There was darkness all around me, and the air was damp as I zigged and zagged to elude my nemesis, who was getting closer and closer. 

Though I couldn’t see it, I could feel its tentacles as it pushed close enough to touch me. I sped up. Distance was key; I needed to distance myself. What could I do to protect myself? 

In this instance, I closed my eyes and thought about everything I had learned about protection. Masks came to mind. Lately, I’ve been wearing masks in crowded places for protection. Knowing distancing was important, I endeavored to fly even faster, but its pursuit was constant. Where ever I turned, it stayed with me. My only hope was to get to my sanctuary before it could. As I drew up to my home. An urge came upon me. 

Note: One of the things that happen to us as we get old is that we inevitably have to pee at some point in the middle of the night. 

Who knew that that property of age would be my saving grace? Dreamland just faded away. The memory of the chase lingered, but by the time I returned to my bed, it was gone. 

When I woke up the next morning, I dressed, had breakfast, realized that I needed some items from the grocery store for home, donned my mask, and headed out to shop. 

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