K – I kid you not!

I start this off with a disclaimer – The following blog entry has no direct connection to any desire I have or have ever had. I love my wife and son, with all my heart, and have never had any second thoughts or desires in my life, to not have them part of it.  I wouldn’t want my life to be any different than it is today.

What if I never had kids?

Having kids is an important part of the continuing of a species. Watching them develop, as they grow up, enriches our lives and helps us become better, more compassionate, and empathetic individuals. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But…what if we went through our individual lives and had no kids? To speculate on this, I have it a little easier than some parents, as I only have one child. So as I share my thoughts, I realize that there are those of you with multiple children, whose lives are different from mine, and whose experiences would have more ramifications had you no children to begin with. I also acknowledge that there are those of you that already have no kids, either by choice or misfortune. I leave it to you to write about the what having kids would be like.

I had been married for 3 years when my son was born. The day he was born, my life, as I knew it, changed. I now had a family. Someone to nurture and protect with the help of my wife. My wife ended her job so that she could stay home for a while and raise our son. As she went back to work, we had to find temporary caretakers of this being. The money that I had been putting each paycheck into IRA’s and such had to be decreased and stopped, so we could afford enough to continue living as we were accustomed to with this added mouth to feed and clothe. There were new concerns about everyone’s health and welfare that added to our daily anxieties and stress. Thankfully, so far, everything is working out.  

But if we didn’t have kids, a lot of these changes would not have occurred. The direction our lives would have taken would have been different. Since we both wanted to have a child, the stress and fears of not being successful at achieving that goal would have remained. That, at some point, would have had to resolve itself eventually, probably due to our ages.

If we had decided not to have children, to begin with, then our careers would probably have become more of a priority and the continuance of saving some money for our retiring years. My wife and I enjoyed dancing at Folk music events that were held locally, which is where we actually met (see http://www.hdhstory.net/Storyblog/?p=402). We eventually stopped going, since we had a child to take care of and also our interest in dancing waned. Without a child, we would have probably kept up the dancing and the concerts.

We would have probably traveled a bit more. My wife likes to travel. Hopefully, work pressures and vacation days would have been used more effectively (I don’t like to plan).I think the locations of the vacations we took, which involved travels to mountains and lakes, would have probably remained the same. However, the ones to Legoland and zoos, might not have occurred. If anything more trips farther to the south and midwest might have been on our plate.

I might have continued to teach beyond the first year I was eligible to retire. A family insurance package I accepted to retire, might not have been as high a priority as staying in the field and increasing my income. Of course, not retiring when I did, would have changed my career choice. I wouldn’t have pursued an advanced certificate in Educational computing, which wouldn’t have provided me with as many opportunities to learn and teach more about technology, which I really like doing now. Also, I would not have followed my desire to tell stories publically. I would still be limited to just telling in my school system.  

If I were to guess, I would be less of the teacher I was, for two reasons. One is the experience that I gained as a parent gave me more credibility when giving my teacher strategies to other parents. Most of the parents I dealt with accepted my wisdom, which I had gleaned from having taught many years. There were those few that took my advice and observations of their children as one who had no experience with having his own children. It is a dilemma that some young, unmarried teachers have, which I would assume would be magnified, the older I got. The second reason is the direction that education has gone, with common standards, more mandates, and less time to actually do some of the things that I had been doing throughout my career (see http://www.hdhstory.net/Storyblog/?p=291) I think that the stresses of the job would have made my life much less fulfilling.

My writing would be much more school focussed, as that was the only topics I wrote about during my teaching days.

Think of all the children’s television shows and video games I would not have been introduced to.

And the friendships that I have gained over the years might be different, due to possibly traveling more and certainly I wouldn’t have met my daughter-in-law and her family, which would have been a great loss, though I wouldn’t have known it.

The biggest difference I think would probably becoming more of an adult, looking at life through adult eyes, more serious, not as silly and not having as much fun as I did growing up with my child.

I feel sorry for the me, who never had kids, in that parallel universe, though it would be interesting to meet him and see where he’s been. What if there was a way to meet the parallel you? I can just imagine! (But I already did that letter.)