Recipes for Dealing with Lemons
“When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and watch everyone figure out how you did it.’
He told me that, and at first, I thought it was a very funny thing for a 5th grader to impart to me. He was always a joker. How many students have I taught that only spoke about themselves in the third person? Only one, his name was Marvin. (Actually, his name was Jacob, but I thought I should use an alias so that no one would recognize who I was writing about.)
Little did I know that his words of wisdom about lemons and apple juice would be so profound and useful in the rest of my life. I mean, who makes apple juice out of lemons?
Well, it turns out that metaphorically, I do. Let me enlighten you.
Did you ever get into a discussion with someone and realize that where ever that person has decided to take you is so off base that you really don’t want to be part of the discussion? In today’s political climate, that happens a lot. So what do you do?
Do you argue back and forth, knowing that whatever you say is not being heard? Do you make up a false excuse that you must be somewhere else and then just leave that person standing there?
I used to work for a boss, and when certain people started arguing with him, he would just say, “You’re talking to yourself.” and then he’d walk away, leaving the person standing there exceedingly frustrated.
The psychologist at one of the schools I worked in described such conversations between two people that don’t listen to each other as “simultaneous monologues.”
A noted behavioral expert said the best thing to do is just listen to what they say and respond, “Thanks for sharing.” That usually ends the conversation right away, for how do you continue after that is said?
Getting back to Morgan’s quote. The key to dealing with the lemons that are being thrown at you is just to hear what they’re saying and then repeat it back to them. Not agree with them, but say things like, “I can see you feel that… whatever the discussion is about.”
You know they are not going to listen to anything you have to say in regard to the topic being discussed. So, playback their own words, acknowledging that that is what you are hearing. Turn those lemons into their own apple juice.
This works very well, especially with relatives. In fact, they even go away quite pleased that you are such a good listener and agree with everything they say. Mind you, I should point out never specifically say you agree with anything they say unless you really do. Hearing their words coming back at them gives them the impression that that is what you said as your opinion.
Granted, you don’t get to argue your own thoughts and beliefs, but a noted teacher in Minnesota once told me as we were learning about being the change agents in our schools, “You’ve got to work with the living.” Some people may never accept change, so focus on those that are willing to listen to you first.
It’s not easy to do and can be very frustrating at times to listen to others rant about issues you disagree with. But as my ex-student, Melvin, inferred, making apple juice from lemons is so confounding for the giver of those lemons they won’t even realize what you did.
