Timing is Everything
I’m considered somewhat of a mild-mannered person. I rarely if ever yell. In fact, that has caused some difficulty with people that are angry at me. They start yelling their opinions and vent all of the hostility they are feeling. What they are expecting back is a fight. Not a physical one, but one in which my yelling back at them will allow them to vent more of their built-up anger and frustration.
Unfortunately, what they get from me might be a slightly emphatic voice, but not the yell that they need to play off of. The end result being, I stay slightly frustrated but calm, and they have to internalize their vents, since yelling does not accomplish the end result they desired, becoming even more frustrated. It’s kind of a win for me, not that I expected one, but with no one to satisfy their yelling need, their yelling diminishes and usually turns into a sulk.
I should point out that this is my nature, I do not do it purposefully.
As for yelling, do I have the capability of yelling and I do yell on occasion. One non-angry version of me yelling has to do with crowded places where I can’t be heard using any normal voice. For example, a crowded, noisy trip to New York City where between the traffic and the crowds you can’t hear the person walking next to you. I’ve even been known to yell in restaurants, like Applebees, when the noise of all the talking is so loud that the person next to me can’t hear me. But in those instances, everyone else is yelling too, adding to cacophony, so no one notices.
When I was coaching my son’s soccer team, I was also known to yell. It was the only way I could get some of the players to hear me from across the field. In hindsight, probably not the best coaching strategy to yell at 6-10-year-olds and afterward tell them we are playing soccer just to have fun.
As a teacher, I sometimes yelled in class. The reason for the yell usually had to do with students not paying attention for an extended period of time to what I was saying. In most cases, this yelling exhibited anger, frustration, and hostility. Something my students rarely ever saw from me, remember I was a mild-mannered person. For the most part, it was an act. If I needed to get their instant attention, a loud angry outburst was needed. Besides yelling, there was slamming the door to the classroom or smacking a yardstick (and later a meter stick) very loudly on a desk, usually close to where an offending student(s) were sitting. It immediately got everyone’s attention. At that point, in a calmer but still loud voice, I would explain the reason for my outburst.
For this method to be effective, I had to rarely use it, maybe once or twice a year, and time it right depending on the situation. This was not taught in any of my methods classes in college. Of course, there were a few times that my frustration did overflow after the outburst and my calm demeanor did involve some tears, on my part. This was not an act. This did remedy their behavior, for a short period of time.
The act of yelling is an art if one is in control of the situation. It requires an awareness of what you are doing and perfect timing. Knowing when to yell and when not to yell helps maintain control. Losing control of yourself when you yell is a just losing battle. Ask anyone who wants to get into a shouting match with me.
