Whether or Not?
It was a dark and stormy night…no forget that…It was a clear and beautiful night…No that doesn’t work either. It was a partly cloudy and potentially stormy night…Wrong again…Let’s try it was a partly clear night, but isn’t that the same as a partly cloudy night?
I’m confused. You would think with all the training I got as a meteorologist, I would be able to create a simple weather forecast for my first day on the job. Here I sit with all the data in front of me and I can’t make head nor tails of it. I really don’t want to inform the producers of this news station that I only graduated with a C average. I might have told them when they interviewed me but they never asked.
I think they hired me because of my green screen skills. I know exactly where to point in the air to make it look like I’m pointing to the right spot on the map.
I’ve set up all of the maps for the report, now all I need to know is what to say. I looked at the radar on my phone, and there were a lot of green and orange blotches coming our way. That must be a storm, but the sky was clear today when I came into the building. It would be nice if they had some windows in this studio.
I checked my weather apps on my phone and they all have different forecasts. So now I have no idea what to do. Think, Harvey, think.
Wait a minute, that’s it. I’m a meteorologist. My title itself gives me credibility regardless of what I say. As long as I don’t say that there is 100% or 0% of something happening then I can’t be wrong. I can do this.
The On-Air light goes on.
“Welcome to tonight’s weather forecast. I’m sure you all enjoyed the clear skies we had this afternoon and went out and had some fun. Unfortunately for tonight, there is good news and bad news. The good news is that the pleasant skies that appeared this afternoon will continue into the night with a 68% probability. I know that some of you looking at the radar on our screen see that there is a storm front coming towards us. If you look closely at the direction it is going, it appears that it may just pass to the north of us. Should there be a wind shift however there will be a 36% chance that we might get some bad weather. It’s all in the wind’s power now as it is an unpredictable occurrence. Be comforted to know by tomorrow the weather will change. Something to look forward to. Till tomorrow. I’m Harvey Witless signing off.
The On-Air light goes off.
I’m really going to like this job.
