Let’s get married

Let’s Get Married

I was 21 when I met my first husband. He was a hiker. Every chance we had it was, “Let’s go for a hike.” It got to a point where each hike became more difficult. He was more into the hike than he was into me. He always led. At times it was hard to keep up. He didn’t seem to care. He kept pushing me to catch up. The last hike

was the hardest. The mountain road was treacherous. There were way too many vines on the ground that one had to avoid. And climbing up the side of that mountain, I knew something bad was going to happen. It was a long fall for him. I guess he was just too close to the edge. I’ll miss him.

My second husband was a traveler. He said it had to do with work. He would always send me gifts from his travels. I was having lunch with a friend of mine and she couldn’t believe that with all the money he makes all he sent me was a plain J. Crew sweatshirt. We laughed about how cheap he really was. It was sad he had to die that way. Some say it was bad wine that he drank; some say it was the stress of all his travels, which caused him to have a heart attack. We’ll never know. The car he was in was never found.

Now my third husband was a plant grower. We had one of the finest marijuana farms in the state. Of course, marijuana wasn’t legal at that time like it is now. We’d get high together testing out all of the products we produced. Then there were the affairs I found out about. It turns out that I wasn’t the only one he was married to. I chose to leave him. It was no surprise to me that he died of a drug overdose from tainted marijuana. I’m sure glad it was one of his other wives that had to deal with it.

Husband number 4 was a musician. Boy, could he play. I used to like his music. As time went on he kept playing the same songs over again. I smiled to appease him, but “God!” it was hard. And he made me sit through his playing each time. It drove me nuts. It turns out all that playing, made him deaf. I told him over and over again to get his hearing checked, but he just ignored me and kept on playing. I’m sure he didn’t hear the truck as he was crossing that street on his way to the music shop to get new strings for his guitar. 

So here I am in my 80’s. Living on a farm, doing pretty well considering the money I got from all my husbands. I love to grow flowers, which I gather and place on all my ex’s graves each year.  After all, I couldn’t have gotten where I am without them. 

Anyone out there looking for a good time and relationship with a lovely old woman, come look me up. I’m sure we’ll get along. I’ve had a lot of luck with relationships.