Y: You’ve lost me.

Could you repeat that?

I have a very active mind. This probably explains the highly detailed dreams I have. If I could write down the scripts for all of the dreams I have, I would have a fascinating TV show. My mysteries, science fiction, reality teaching scenarios are  book worthy. The problem is that rarely do my dreams reach a conclusion, there are few sequels and rarely do I remember anything I’ve dreamt about within an hour of waking up. I should note that my dreams do not always happen when I’m sleeping. My mind likes to wander even when I’m awake.

I will be in a conversation with someone and as the conversation progresses I will be playing out my actions for the next day, or I might be creating a whole new story based on some word or event that was mentioned during the conversation. You’ll get that a lot if you happen to mention a phrase that reminds me of a song lyric. I’ll start singing out the song either out loud or in my head. Either way, you’ve lost me.

My recourse is two-fold. I can either stop the conversation and admit that I didn’t hear what you were saying, infer it by just asking you, “Could you repeat that?” or let the conversation continue and pretend to know what we’re actually talking about. If the conversation isn’t that important I can usually get away with it since the topic may not show up again. I have, however, been caught at not being in the moment, when whoever I’m talking to remarks, “Don’t you remember when we talked?” or “Are you listening?” and I have to come up with some detail of the conversation to show that I was listening.

I get caught more times than not when something happens nearby, I glance at it and the person I’m talking to catches me and confronts me with not listening. This is a problem even if I am listening well and my eyes lose contact with that person I’m conversing with. No matter what I say, I clearly showed that what was being said was not important.

It does work both ways. I can usually tell when what I’m saying is not being listened to. If the other person is involved in something else while I’m talking like reading an article, watching TV, or preparing a meal, I know there is a low probability that what I’ve said was internalized. Saying, “But I told you that already” doesn’t work. It only infuriates the person who thinks I’m making it up.

If I realize that my mind is wandering, I try to focus on not getting lost in thought. Even so, the act of thinking about getting back in focus takes me out of focus. But I keep trying.

So all of you reading this blog entry, keep in mind that this is my reality. I’m working on becoming a better listener. And by the way, someone else might be trying to communicate with you at the same time you’re reading this. Try to be aware of things that are happening around you and keep your focus on the conversations you are in. Only then can you become…I’m sorry did you just say something?