N is for NO!
What was one of the first words an infant learns to say and master? My contention is it’s the word, “NO!” Of course, I’m speculating here. We love to be proud of our babies when we hear them first say “mama” or “dada”. Actually I think one of my son’s first words was “turtul”(turtle). Though each of these is very cute and loving, nothing compares to when they master the word, “No” and they learn that it is a word of power. That’s it for you as a parent; you are destined to hear it over and over again for the next few years. That’s probably because it is a word you use exclusively to tell them wrong from right. The only other power word I can remember that was used by a baby might have been the word, “more!” Neither word was used in a questioning way. It was always a demand.
When I was in third grade a new student entered my class mid-year. He was from Israel. All I can remember of his first day coming to class with his mother was this argument between mother and child. I understood none of the Hebrew, however, in between those Hebrew words yelled by the boy to his mom was, “NO!, NO!, NO!” Clearly the word “No” transcends a multitude of languages. Fyi – That boy became one of my best friends growing up.
As we age, some of us tend to relinquish the use of our “Nos” In some instances, it is due to common courtesy or kindness. Someone asks you, “Would you help me with this problem?” Where inside you may want to say, “No, not really, I just sat down,” outwardly you say, “Sure, what can I do to help?” The power of empathy, compassion, and just making others happy, overpowers that “No” instinct from your youth.
And then there are those that lose their capacity to use their “No” due to fear, cultural bias, embarrassment, or the feeling of being powerless. Being forced to do something they really don’t want to do, whether it is being sexually assaulted, committing crimes, joining bad groups, etc. That one powerful word, that we learned so early in life becomes trapped in a cage that cannot be opened.
And let’s not leave out those that don’t relinquish their “Nos”. They remain steadfast in believing that others don’t matter. “No, I won’t help you. I’m only in it for myself.” These are the power brokers, the politicians, the money grabbers, etc. These are the ones that usually only see one side of the coin. I’m sure you’ve come across some of them.
But “No” still can be that powerful, meaningful word that we grew up with when used judicially and appropriately. “No, I don’t feel that’s safe.” “No, that’s not appropriate.” “No, I won’t do that to someone else.” “I said, No. Now get away from me.”
And in those instances and others, the correct response should be, “Yes, I accept what you say and will do as you ask.”
I leave you with at least one exception to my reasoning for responding
Yes” to “No” as I have suggested. I’m sure some may disagree with me and that there are probably more exceptions. My exception involves giving aid and comfort. When someone confides in you or you are aware that they intend harm to themselves or others, and they say to you, “No, leave me alone.” I believe that your “No” trumps there’s, “No, I can’t do that.” is the correct response.
And, No, I’m not going to write any more on this topic. But feel free to comment back to me. I’ve got other writing that I need to do.
