“A” what’s up?

Whiplash: An injury to the neck caused by an abrupt jerking motion of the head, either backward or forward; And in the case of writing or speaking, can be caused by a rapid change of topic without prior notice.

Whiplash! – “A” what’s up?

They say that you should never hold in your anger. You should find a way to vent it so that it doesn’t build up into something that you can’t control and then someone or something gets hurt. Of course, when you find a way to vent your anger, it is also advisable that you do it in such a way that you don’t do something that you regret.

In general, I rarely get really angry. I may get frustrated a lot but not so much truly angry. My way of venting when I am angry is to write. I don’t write to anyone in particular, more to let go of my frustration with whatever is making me angry. When I was 18 and getting very frustrated and angry at my father, I wrote a story of what would happen if my father became president. I picked on all the idiosyncrasies of my dad and fictionalized with him being elected president of the U.S. My family didn’t like what I had written (except my dad, who never saw it), but it released a lot of my anger. So this is what I do.

When I get into arguments with people, I tend to stay quiet and calm in my reactions. It helps me release some tension especially when I see the other person getting very frustrated that I’m not yelling back at them.

Whiplash!

How do you give advice so that someone else will actually listen to you? I know as a parent and a teacher, some kids have difficulty listening to what you have to suggest. They all know better. And there are times when people just complain to you about a problem they have, hoping that you just listen, letting them release some of their frustration, not wanting any advice from you at all. Sometimes there’s a fine line between wanting advice and just wanting a sounding board. Unfortunately, people don’t come with flashing lights that say, “Can you help me solve this?” or “Just keep nodding your head and listen.”

One technique I’ve found that works more often than not, suggested by the Love and Logic Institute, (https://goo.gl/hHoZkB) is to say, “Would you like to know how other people/kids/parents solve this problem?” Then if they answer yes, you can give them a series of possible suggestions, both good and bad with your own advice thrown in, and let them decide themselves. Since it comes in the guise of someone else’s solution, they tend to listen, because it’s not their teacher/parent that is suggesting it.

Whiplash!

Aging is not all that it is cracked up to be. When you’re young all you want to do is to be older and a grownup. You get a chance to vote. You can drive. You can drink if you’re so inclined to, and you don’t have to go to school (unless you become a teacher). Freedom to choose what you want to do, when you want to do it and with whom you want to do it with.

The section they neglect to put on the list is that at some point you are not as fit as you used to be and can’t do all the activities you used to have fun with. Getting and holding a job can somewhat restrict when and where you can do things. Of course, there’s paying taxes. Having a family also changes some of the things that you used to do in your older youth. And then there are all the medical issues you have to deal with: high cholesterol, high blood pressure, sore muscles, invasive exams that you must have on a regular basis (can you say the word, colonoscopy or mammogram).

Now I’m not saying that I would give up my adulthood. I like where I am and especially who I’m with and my family. I really like doing things with them and having them as part of my life.  I’m glad my son is doing well and we have a great relationship with his wife’s family. I enjoy storytelling and writing and even teaching some of the time.  But I could use a little less of the aging piece.

Whiplash!

So what about you? How do you deal with anger? How do you feel about giving and getting advice? And if you had a choice to get older but not age, would you take it?

Till next time… “B” prepared”